My Biggest Problem With Pentecostalism That Maybe Shouldn't Be, At Least Not Personally

I was at work recently, and my mind happened to wander back to a specific situation I found myself in. Here was I, sitting in a car on a ride to Hamilton along with two of my cousins Nairn and Sherry, and a friend of my cousin from her church who the three of us were dropping off on the way to my other cousin, Carry's house for a Christmas party.

The interesting piece of information?

I was the lone Reformed guy in a car full of full-on Pentecostals.

Charismatic prophecy, miracles, speaking in tongues Pentecostals.

Talk about a fish out of water.

Some background information on me pertaining to this situation: my experience in the charismatic spiritual gifts is VERY limited, and outside of scriptural study on them I've never really experienced, in my opinion, a truly Biblical expression of the more flamboyant gifts. I do believe they still exist and are used by God, and I am most certainly not what one today would consider a culturally conservative Calvinist. I love metal music, a good pint of beer, I smoke, and I like more mainstream movies and music than Christian (I often say that Christian music is an oxymoron), and yet I do love my theology, believing that orthodoxy does lead to orthopraxy. Under today's definitions, I would most likely be grouped in what is called today the New Calvinism. Yet the gifts themselves tend to make me a little nervous, since according to Biblical standards, I have yet to see a true, Bible-guided expression of those specific gifts.

Back to the story.

Halfway to Guelph, where we were dropping this other young lady off to an evening service, I started chuckling. My cousin Nairn saw me and immediately laughed as well, since she knows my stance, and, in that creepy, family-way, can tell almost immediately what was running through my head. Our respective theological positions are not a secret, as we have talked extensively at times about mine and her respective positions on the gifts, and have, thankfully, been able to disagree agreeably, with respect still held on both sides. But of course, our laughing catches the attention of our fellow riders.

When my cousin, Sherry, inquires as to our seemingly-out-of-nowhere fit of laughing, and I respond, "I'm just rather amused that I'm the lone Reformer in a car full of Pentecostals." Sherry begins to laugh, as does our fellow rider (whose name I cannot remember). Up until this point things were good.

Then our unnamed compatriot, who had been rather untalkative for most of the trip, started talking. And while most of what she said I cannot now remember for the life of me, one particular sentence rattled my bones in a way few things often do:

"It's just too bad you aren't able to freely worship God."

(Cue the oooohhhhh's and "oh boy"s from those who know anything about my personality and my feisty opinionated-ness)

When I began to inquire (not quite so calmly) as to the reason why my specific Calvinistic convictions limited my ability to worship, I got little response, as she had launched into a crusade right there in the car, praying and rambling words I couldn't quite catch, as my two cousins up in the front seat were nearly in tears from laughing so hard at the scene emerging from the back seat.

Thankfully, the length of the ride from her comment to dropping her off at the church was less than a minute. Otherwise, I was feeling rather tempted top grab her shoulders, try to shake her senses back so that we could have an actual discussion, and proceed to completely grill her into a corner as best as I could, which probably would not have been very Christ-like...or maybe. Jesus had a good freak out every now and then, so maybe I could have somehow justified myself as to my desire to scream the air clear of Charismaniacism.

Now, I do not dislike Pentecostals, nor do I hold a grudge or consider them unChristian. Me and my cousin Nairn get along great and, while jokes are sent both ways on the issue, we do respect each other. My roommate, who has become one of my best friends and a dude I insanely enjoy and respect, in Bible College, is, or at least was raised Pentecostal. I've even written a blog critiquing what I consider to be great strengths of the Pentecostal movement while mentioning my concerns. But there is still something about it, often times my seeing a service, that almost provokes a nervous twitch.

And it is all summed up in that one sentence:

"It's just too bad you aren't able to freely worship God."

Why am I not able to freely worship? Because I don't expect a healing of every disease and ailment while we're still in this age? Because I can't prophesy on command? Because I speak in a legible tongue and not in something that, quite frankly, sounds like a bunch of drunks at happy hour trying to mimmic an African tribe? (no disrespect to those who may actually have the gift, I'm talking about the churches who practically command everyone in service to do so) The fact that I don't dance around with a praise banner shaking a tambourine looking like Jefferey in 12 Monkeys?

Okay, breathe Eric.

I'm not even going to go into what I consider wrong with the specific theology of worship they present. (Nope. Not gonna go there. Not gonna whip out 1 Corinthians 14:23. Not going to. Nope. Not gonna. No. Uh Uh. No.)

*Sigh.*

Here is my primary beef:

It's worship idolatry.

It's taking a specific type of worship (Pentecostal, Baptist, etc), and proclaiming it to be THE way to worship, THE best way to commune with God, and "if you don't do things the way we do

then you're not worshipping fully", which often has undertones of "you're not getting as close to God as I am". Hogwash. Bull****. Crap. Take whichever term you prefer and ignore the one(s) you don't.

That's placing the means before the end. That's taking the way to commune with the Father out of the mediation Christ by the ability of the Holy Spirit and placing it in a style, or a song choice, or the music volume. Like how high you jump or how loud you sing or scream or whether you can or can't babble incoherently in a crowd, like someone put too many poprocks on your tongue. (Insert another exhalation here) It's completely inconsistent with Christ, who says that HE is the only way to the Father.

I've seen this more blatantly in Charismatic churches than anywhere else. Which is why I often have a problem with Pentecostalism in general. But I know I cannot get too worked up. The same exists in Lutheran, Wesleyan, Catholic, Baptist traditions, and, yes, even my own treasured Reformed (or Reformissional, 'cause it sounds catchier) tradition. In fact, thinking about it now, many non-Charismatic traditions do the same thing, many are just more subtle about it. Thus my extended comment as to why I should not just have a problem with Pentecostals, or at least personally.

I spent so much time relishing in relaying the story that most of my steam has been blown out to follow it up, but I think that's all I want to say. Now I'm craving relish. And a hot dog. And salad dressing. And onio-*fades out into the distance*

*He's gone.*